Pain
by tuckeyhunger99
Summary: When a monster comes into our room, what do you do? Run, hide, scream? but what if it was impossible for you to do so, what happens then? One sided XemSai contains Dark and sexual themes. rape... read at your own risk
1. Chapter 1

**Pain**

 **WARNING: This contains dark and sexual themes if you continue reading. It is a one sided XemSai fanfiction.**

 **As it has the element of rape within.**

 **The reason why I wrote this is because people do need to be more aware that men can and do also get raped and don't always come forward, as they feel ashamed and embarrassed. So I hope this fanficion makes people more aware of these issues and that's it is ok, for anyone to come forward and talk about.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own kingdom hears for any of the characters with in this story. Or the song 'Pain' by Three Days Grace. Which inspired me to write this story. I know that song isn't about sex, but it works well with the story.**

 **Thanks for reading.**

* * *

 _ **Pain without love**_

My greatest mistake was allowing him in. Allowing him to bring me to this hell.

 _ **Pain, I can't get enough  
**_

Yet when he knocks at my door, I responded with "Yes Sir" like it is second nature. Automatic, like I can't even control myself.

 _ **Pain, I like it rough**_

He walks in with a smile on his face. Oh how I wouldn't want to tear him a part. But still I stand up in respect; how long can I keep this up? Xemnas smile grows wider, maybe he knows. What if he did I don't care at this point. My mind was set on other things. Like the moon, and all it's power.

"Sit down Saix" he commands. His voice, it's soft yet threatening. Still second nature takes hold again, and I obey and sit back on my bed. _  
_

_**'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all**_

He comes and sits next to me. I don't care. I just stare at the moon; a new moon. It shivers down my spine as I feel weak and cold. The moon gives me power, but it is also my greatest weakness... 

_**You're sick of feeling numb  
**_

"Saix? Are you loyal to me?" he asked staring at me. I remain silent, not looking at him. He gives out a loud sigh. "VII, Look at me" I slowly turn to face him. The smug look on his face makes me feel sick.

 _ **You're not the only one  
**_

"Saix I said are you loyal to me?" what kind of question was that. I have no choice. It's loyalty or dusk. Although my secret, take over plan, is under way.

In return I nod. "Yes sir of course" I say. He's staring at me. Those cold empty orange eyes glued to my yellow ones. I can see the cogs turn in side of him. With his twisted smile forming across his face.

 _ **I'll take you by the hand  
**_

"Good" he states. His hand then grabs my chin, roughly forcing me, to have direct eye contact with him. "That's better"

"What are you doing?" I ask confused, and angry, moving backwards; away from him.

"Getting a better view" Xemnas cold voice seeps into my ears.

 _ **And I'll show you a world that you can understand  
**_

He laughs. But it is hallow and cold, much like everything else in this world. Empty vessels; with nothing but dark memories, of our past lives. "Oh you'll understand VII. You just need to relax."

 _ **This life is filled with hurt  
**_

Xemnas then grabs my chin again, harder than before. Bruising me. I just stare at him oddly. What did he want? Can't he see I'm confused? I'm still confused about our existence and kingdom hearts. It's a nightmare being empty, and incomplete. But that is nothing. Nothing, compared to the nightmare that I was about to endure...

 _ **When happiness doesn't work  
**_

"You'll understand Saix. You just need to trust me." Those words. Those eight words. Were the last words I would hear, before my everlasting nightmare would begin.

 _ **Trust me, and take my hand**_

Xemnas takes a tight grip of my wrist and I realise what he has come here for. I freeze. This man. The person who took me in, and promised me a heart was about to do the unthinkable. I gulp unable to move let alone scream for help. _**  
**_

_**When the lights go out, you'll understand**_

 _ **Pain without love**_

He pushed me down on my bed with his lips covering mine. He's forceful and harsh. He doesn't care. He's just here to end whatever life I had left. _**  
**_

_**Pain, I can't get enough**_

I try pushing him off, but he just pins me down harder on to my bed. He is sitting on me and holding my hands above my head, with one hand. The other he is unzipping mine and his coat. I can't move; I can't do anything but squirm. I try to scream under his lips for someone, anything to come. Dusk would even be an angel in this horrifying moment. But only a whimper can escape. _ **  
**_

 _ **Pain, I like it rough  
**_

I then feel something hot try to enter my mouth. This face smashed up against mine, and the rest of this filthy body all over me makes me want to throw up. Don't want this! I don't! I then find some energy and bite hard on his rough and salty lips. Xemnas yelps and pulls his face away from mine. Yet his right hand is still holding me down. That evil grin appears on his face again. "You like it rough? I'll give you rough"

 _ **'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all**_

This is my opportunity to scream. Call out for help. But as I go to; only a peep comes out. I try shouting for Lea, but his names turns into nothing as it passes my lips. I'm alone complete alone. With nothing but a monster to ruin me for the rest of my non-existence life.

 _ **Anger and agony are better than misery  
**_

Xemnas then places both of his hands around my throat. As he notices that I'm trying to scream; he is really wasting his time as I'm too scared for any noise to come out. But this action only makes me squirm and fight more, just to get free. But his grip just gets tighter and I'm forced to gasp for breathe.

 _ **Trust me, I've got a plan  
**_

My vision begins to fades as his strength only increases. I'm sure that killing me would be a safe haven. But he's not going to kill me. Only make me lose conscious, for a while. But I can't let that happen. His voice then wonders again. "Stop moving Saix; it will only be more pa..."

 _ **When the lights go up, you'll understand**_

That's the last thing I hear. But I can't! I can't allow this happen. I won't! I try to snap my eyes open, but they won't. It's a black fog that had clouded me. Smothering me, into its, everlasting darkness. The darkness he is granting me. But I can't allow this. Fight harder! Do it for Lea! I can't and won't let him be on this line of pain. Never!

 _ **Pain without love**_

My eyes snap open. I feel a hand over my chest and going down to my leg, then to the inside of my thigh. I glance down to see Xemnas it kissing my neck; but he is crushing my hip, making movement impossible. I mange to squeak out "Stop... please." _ **  
**_

 _ **Pain, I can't get enough  
**_

Xemnas glares up at me. I can see the devil with in him as his smile creeps slowly across that face. "Oh but Saix your loyal to me, right? So therefore you have to do whatever I say." He crawls up to may face again. Kissing me hard, and placing his dirty hands all over my bare chest.

 _ **Pain, I like it rough  
**_

"Please Xemnas I'm begging you to stop! I don't want this!" I say weakly. He won't care. He never does or will. This is the weakness the moon has to offer. No moon, no power to fight back. Just a mire shell; unable to move, or stop this monster from attacking me.

 _ **'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all**_

He quickly sits up placing my hips in position. It's then I notice he had stripped me and himself, bare, when I was unconscious. I feel my lips go to scream for help. At the top of my lungs, not caring if anyone calls me weak I just want help. But like before my fear is takes over me, and nothing comes out. My eyes begin to water as I brace myself for the hard thrust.

 _ **Pain, without love  
**_

If on cue, he forces his way into me. He then places his hand on to my mouth so that I can't yelp due to the force, as he pushed his way in.

 _ **Pain, I can't get enough  
**_

"Oh Saix you are so tight!" he states gritting his teeth as he positions himself. All I can do at this point is repeat over and over again in my head:

This isn't happening. This isn't happening. It's not real.

I turn to look out of the window, pretending that this is all a bad dream.

 _ **Pain, I like it rough  
**_

He then starts violently thrusting into me, making my hips buck. It's painful so painful. The sheer thought of it happening again, every miller second he stops, makes me want to throw up. He won't stop, why won't he? I said please...

I groan in agony. Trying to be as loud as I can, but only a whimper of helplessness leaves me. Again my lips force another grunt. This time it is louder, but not enough to be heard. Well not by anyone other than Xemnas.

 _ **'Cause I'd like to feel pain than nothing  
**_

"Saix is that pleasure I sense." He only mangers to get out, though his revolting panting, as he continues to thrust deep inside me. I remind myself again. It's not real, this isn't happening. But the pain he is inflicted on me is too hard to ignore. The horrifying sound of his skin bashing against mine, the sweat coming off of his body, the smell of horror lifting in the air. It's sick. All there is to go with it; is pain.

 **Rather feel pain**

All of a sudden he realise inside of me. My hips buck, at the force. I'm now trying my hardest not to cry, I'm in pain, agonizing pain. All he can do it lye on me. His heavy breathing is brushing all over my chest as he tries to get to it back to normal. I continue to start at the window, hoping he will just leave.

 _(I know, I know, I know, I know, I know)_ _ **That you're wounded**_ _  
_

Xemnas then kisses my chest again. Still breathing deeply. He gets hold of me head and forces me to look at him again. This time, no sick twisted smile, but, a look of pleasure and relief. As I stare at him with pure hatred. _  
_

 _(You know, you know, you know, you know)_ _ **That I'm here to save you**_ _  
_

"See Saix you belong to me and you always will." He states clutching my cock. Squeezing it hard, to try and get a reaction out of me. Yet I remain slight hoping, praying he will leave me in the dark. _  
_

 _(You know, you know, you know, you know)_ _ **I'm always here for you  
**_

He laughs again. With a toothy grin, and pleasure. "Just remember my lovely Diviner that I'm doing this all for you." He crushes it dirty lips with mine again. I want to hit him, get him away from me. But I now doing that will result in this again. So I lay with there, with every ounce of my body, holding back tears, of my failure

 _(I know, I know, I know, I know, I know)_ _ **That you'll thank me later**_

When he finally let go, he was breathing in deep. His breath was going all over marking me. Not to mention his dirty hands that he had smeared all over me. Labelling me; as weak and defenceless. I'm one of the top three strongest members in this place. And yet I couldn't stop this filthy man from destroying. He smiled at me again. "Your thank me Saix. One day you will thank me" he hummed. I just lay there about to explode into wishing he would get off of me.

All of a sudden he took himself out of me; I didn't dare allow a gasp to pass over my lips; in fear that he would foil me again. I just lay there emotionless. Just praying he would get his things and leave here. In the dark.

 _ **Pain without love  
**_

After what seemed like hours he got off of me. The weight of his body gone, but he added more weight. The weight of my fear; the fear that he might do it again.

 _ **Pain, I can't get enough  
**_

He put back on his clothes and throw my clothes at me. I allowed them to stay there. I just waited for him to leave. A door to slam or a of a sound of a dark corridor. I just wanted him gone. I had to be sure he was gone. Not anywhere near me. So he couldn't touch me again.

 _ **Pain, I like it rough  
**_

Finally the door opened and slammed shut. I took a deep breath and allowed the tears to keep flooding.

How could I have let him done that?! How could I have I had let him touch me?! Why didn't I fight back?! Why didn't I stop him?! I could have stopped him!

I shut my eyes, trying to remind myself it was all over. That he was gone. But I could see him, smell him. He won't leave me he will never leave. I'm covered in his dirty hand prints and his awful smell.

 _ **'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all**_

I feel sick!

I quickly get up. Even though I ache all over I need to get to the toilet. And when I do my stomach is unforgiving. Everything comes up, and there's nothing I can do to stop the violent action. Just thinking about him, the mark he has left on me makes me vomit even more.

When I do finally stop. I stay still. Not wanting to move, not wanted to go back to my bed. The place where he ruined me.

My mouth and face are covered in tears and vomit. I glance at the floor what the hell have I become?

 _ **Pain without love  
**_

I decided then to wash my mouth. I can't go downstairs with sick on my face. I can't go there at all. What would the other say if they knew?

' _your weak Saix! Allowing someone to overpower you like!'_

' _Weak! Weak! WEAK!'_

They can't find out! I won't let them. Especially Lea. I won't let him endure the same fate! He's too important. Too important...

 _ **Pain, I can't get enough**_

I go to the sink, where my mirror is hanging. I look a mess! My hair ha s gone wild, my throat is sore. Not to mention I can feel his lips over my chest and neck. I wan to vomit. But no... _ **  
**_

 _ **Pain, I like it rough  
**_

I stare straight at the mirror. Any piece of Isa has now gone. Withered away, like dust. As for Saix he's dead too. I'm nothing but weak and helpless. All I see is dirt in front of me. I'm dirt, a cockroach that has no place to be. And why? Because of that man!

 _ **'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all**_

After a while of looking at myself, I crawl into the shower. I need to get rid of him. The smell, the marks, the dirt. Everything needs to be gone. I'm scrubbing my skin as hard as I can, but I can still feel him. Still hear his panting. I still feel his hands groping me, covering me in shame, his sweat still on me, crawling all over my skin. Turning it into grub.

No not again! The tears fall from my eyes. He's ruined me. I can never wt that happen again, never happen again. My tears mix in with the water that is bashing against my skin. That's when I see the blood fall off my arms.

Scrubbed too hard. Yet it's still not gone...

 _ **Rather feel pain than nothing at all  
**_

But there one thing I have missed. I'm going to have to spend the rest of my non-exiting life with that monster! He's never going to late me forget. Nor is he ever going to allow me to be me again. I'm nothing dust a dust of pain

 _ **Rather feel pain**_

I realise now that I'm truly gone. As there is nothing left, but pain that will never go away...

* * *

 **So how was it? Please tell what you thought of the story.**

 **Also don't know if I should do another chapter or two? Up to you if you want to read more!**

 **Thank you for taking the time to read it, and it think about what rape does to anyone, and I'm sorry if I have upset anyone.**

 **Until next time bye!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Pain**

 **I Decided to add about two more chapters after this one. Thank you** **Tintti. As I have added Xemnas point of view into this chapter. With further or do, please enjoy.**

* * *

 **Saix's P.O.V**

I sit up, still in the shower with the freezing water bashing down on me. I feel nothing, but the cold numbing; that the water has brought me. I must have stayed here for the rest of the night, but it felt like entirety. Yet his smell, it hasn't gone. Why hasn't it gone! I know I've been here for hours but it should have left. I take in deep breathes as I feel the tears form in my eyes.

Don't cry, don't cry, please don't cry...

All of a sudden I hear a load knock. "Second-in-command; get up!" Oh, why did it have to be Xigbar? At least it wasn't him.., stop thinking about him. "Mr wolfy, who took my job, get up!" He can have is bloody job back!

"I'm up" I call out. But my voice is shaking; it must be from the cold water. I hope it's from the cold water. I lean over to turn off the tap, there is no point staying here, I'm going to have to go down there. Maybe I won't see him, maybe he's gone out and left Xigbar in charge.

I stand up, and I moan in pain. My entire body, is shaking with the cold, and the brutal attack that happened a few hours ago. There is no way I can walk properly. No way. But I have to try. I can't allow people to know. I can't afford for people to know.

They can't know.

Think what they will say.

I take a few steps forward, but I have to stop. I hang on to the wall; my lower half kills, I haven't felt pain like this since I got my heart ripped out.

That's enough Saix get out of the room.

I walk out the bathroom door. I soon wished I hadn't. My bed is mess; the cover, the sheets, are all over the place. Not to mention my clothes are spread out over my bed. It's dirt. I'm dirt.

Sick again.

This time I'm sick right in front of me. Not enough time to make it to the bath room. And it's just another thing I'm going to have to clean up later. How could I have allowed him to do this! How?! I'm weak I could have stop him. No don't you dare cry. They're going to be wondering where you are.

Get your act together and get dressed. I tell myself. It seems easier to say, but I need to sort this out. I can't hide from him. He's everywhere. It's his bloody castle after all.

I get a new set of cloths from out of my wardrobe and get dressed. After that I have to make my way down stairs.

On the way down I repeat to myself 'Don't think about him. Don't think about him. He might not be there. He might be out. I pray he's not here I really do.'

I didn't use a dark corridor. As much faster style of transport it may be, I need to calm and prepare myself. They can't know, what happened. I need to get a story straight. I didn't set my alarm. The new moon drained my power. Anything at this point in time will do, to prevent them from finding out the weakness that I have displayed. His hands all over my body, and his lips all over my neck; the thought makes me flitch. I take heavy breaths as I feel vomit and tears build up. No more crying, no more tears, no more sick, I need to do this. I need to show Xemnas that I won't allow this to affect me. Even though, I can see it already has, and it will without a doubt, affect me until I fade.

Once I make it to the entrance of the grey area, I hear laughing and chatting. Like none of them have got a care in the world. Quite literally. They seem oblivious to what happened last night. It was straight under their nose and not one has seemed to notice. That's a good thing, but it makes me angry that not one nobody would have noticed.

This is it, to show them I'm not afraid. I take a gulp and walk into the grey area.

Funny, no one looks. Or even notices that I am slightly limping my way to the spot where I hand out missions. Luckily for me, I left them all down here. Or it would be another painful walk up the stairs.

"Yo, Saix! What mission have you got for me today?" Axel shouts as he walks over to me. Why do I put up with his idiocy I will never know...

"You are going to Neverland with, Demyx, you need cut down the number of heartless." I say not looking at him. He'll be able to tell in my eyes that something is wrong. And will make a scene if I don't give him an answer.

"Oh why you got to be like that? You know I hate heartless control. Got it memorized?" he says flinging his arm over my shoulders.

I can't help it, and it can't be helped. I suddenly panic and push him off of me I can't let him touch me. No one can ever touch me again. I breathe in ever so slightly so he can't see my discomfort but he already has.

Axel looks at me worryingly. "Saix, dude you ok?" No! But I can't say that.

"Yes, Axel, I'm fine. Now get to your mission. NOW!" he backs up slightly. I didn't mean to be harsh. But he can't touch me. Don't be so stupid he won't do that to you. But One did, so why isn't Axel capable of that.

SHUT UP!

He's my friend; he wouldn't do that. He wouldn't do that.

I know my breathing was increasing as he takes a step closer to me. I just stare him down. Axel can't know, and will never know. Or be introduce; to that sort of trauma. He gives me that puppy dog look. But this time it won't work. He will do as he is told and will NOT TOUCH ME!

"Axel, take IX and get to Neverland please, before I lose my patience." I say gritting my teeth. But it's not at him, it's at myself. Axel and I have already grown distance and this is only going to drive us further apart. But I can't let him know.

He sighs and then leaves with Demyx.

Soon after wards III to XI collect theirs. We haven't received the final two members yet. Hopefully, we will get them soon so Axel can talk to the newbies and won't ask me questions.

I don't think, nobody saw my outburst. Well nobody asked me about it. But I only shoved him off, it's not like I made a big thing of it or anything. At least everyone is gone and I can try and get some rest. Plus side, as I missed breakfast I didn't have to see... him. His name makes me feel sick. How on earth I am ever going to live here, knowing that he could attack me again. A tear then escapes. But I can't allow it. I breath deep again just to try and keep my head straight.

Sleep is in order, but working is more important. It will keep my mind off things.

Just as I pick up some sheets but I jump at the sound of a voice. And drop them all over the floor.

"So Wolfy, what's up?" I turn to face Xigbar. My fears then slowly fade, I thought it was One.

I shake my head. "Nothing, II shouldn't you be on a mission." I state trying my hardest to get off of the subject. It won't work. Xigbar doesn't give up without some sort of fight.

He folds his arms and stares blankly at me. "As if. Why you push Axel off of ya, like that? And ya look on edge, not to mention that you was late. This ain't like ya Saix." I look down. Trust Xigbar to notice everything.

Bloody pirate.

Knowing everyone's business; but this time he isn't going to know mine. On the plus side he didn't notice my limp. "It's nothing Xigbar. Now go on your mission before I make you do two in a row." I spat. Making myself seem like I have more authoritative then he does.

Which we both know I really don't

He stares at me. "As if. Ok, don't tell me." He opens a dark corridor, but before he disappears he speaks again. But in a serious tone. "But, Saix... I will find out"

Alone; finally. Maybe I can clean my mess of a room. Make it normal, and clean. Well it will never be clean. I will never be clean. Then I feel something...

My eyes turn to horror as I feel a pair of strong arms wrapping around my stomach, and a body pressed hard against my back. I didn't need to look to know it was him... and I'm letting him touch me again.

* * *

 **Xemnas P.O.V.**

You can just smell his fear.

He's not even trying to hide the fact that he is scared of me.

Like last night, the only bit of fight he had, was biting my lip. Of course that was only going to push me closer to him. The idiot. And yet he is just standing here in front of me; stunned, as it were. I feel his breath increasing as I keep a firmer grip on his stomach. His body, slowly, trembling against my own. His sweat, slowly, dripping off of his face. He looks and feels beautiful.

Also the noise he is making is driving me insane. Deep breaths, like he sounds, exhausted. It's heaven; it makes me want him more.

Last night he tasted amazing. I can't even describe the pleasure I felt kissing and creasing him. At first I wasn't trying to hurt him. Just show him who is boss. It's not my fault he turned a perfect moment into one of hell for himself.

If he cooperated then that wouldn't have happened.

I smile and then begin the slowly kiss his neck. His breathing increases and he starts shaking. Is it with fear, or is it pleasure? In all honesty, I really don't care. As long as I get to feel pleasure I don't give a rat's ass what he wants.

"Su...per...ior" he stutters out. Why is he doing this to himself? The stutter, in his voice only drives me up the wall. And makes me want to bang him right here, right now. "Please... Stop!" Begging. He did that last night.

Hasn't he learnt I get whatever want? And I will have what I want. And right now I want him. Nothing is going to stop me from getting him. Even if I have to force him again, I am getting what I want. I allow a smirk to spread across my face as I feel his discomfort. I then begin to kiss his neck more passionately so he knows what I need. What I crave. I take a bite out of his neck and he yelps in pain. Serves him right, he shouldn't have bite my lip so bloody hard. I know there is a bruise there somewhere.

It's a joy seeing him so scared, if I am perfectly honest.

It will bring me even more pleasure to bang him again...

I force his body over to one of the chairs. It's pathetic really, he's not even putting up a fight. He his laying there probably wanting it to be all over. Don't worry Saix it will, once I get what I deserve.

"Don't worry, my faithful Second-in-Command, if you cooperate this time, I promise it won't hurt as much". I whisper into his ear. Every time I move, he slightly flinches. I haven't even had my fun yet. I want to see more of a reaction from him. It may be cruel, but I'm Superior, so what I ever I do is right.

I smile down at him then I breathe on the back his neck. I feel his entire body beneath me, quiver and shake. Oh, why did his ass have to be directly were my cock was. I don't think I can contain my excitement.

"Xem...n...es, please?" Saix breaths heavily. Oh stop it! Stop, being so damn sexy, we both know I need this and you are just making it worse. I then run both my hands down the sides of his body, he then makes a sound. It sounds muffled like he is crying. Big wimp, yeah it may hurt a bit, but it will be more comfortable if he is a little more willing to; give me what I want, I mean, I'm Superior.

I then place my hand in his trousers and slightly stroke his cock. I smile as I can feel the bulge in my nether regions start to form. I realise that I can't bear teasing myself and him anymore. I take off his underwear and his trousers as he lays there. You could all most say that he is helpless, but he could easily hit me off if he wanted to. Then again that will increase my sex drive. So yeah he hasn't got a choice in this situation. However he can decide whether to enjoy it or not. So really he is just making this more uncomfortable for himself.

I then lift up his coat to get a better view for myself. I'm impressed he has got a fit ass.

I chuckle again, but this time in his ear. Now he is not making any sound, I tell that he is just staring at the floor. No pleasure? Never mind; at least I'll get some.

Still on top of him, I undo my coat, but I slowly undo it, to see what reaction I can get out of him. And I do. His breath increases again. Like he is in a panic. Panting and sweating like he has already started without me. He doesn't appear scared and if he did, does it matter. He should feel privileged that I want to have sex with him. So therefore being scared is being disrespectful. Well to me it is.

"Please... sir. Please... just... stop" Now he is doing my head in. This begging is now giving me a head ach. I really couldn't care less what he wants. I am going to do this and he is riding it even if cries or begs. He can do that again and again I'm not changing my mind.

I take off my trousers and underwear and allow the throbbing member to get some fresh air. I slowly brush it on his ass and allow my lust to slightly takeover. But not enough, so I can concentrate on what I am doing.

But the thing is; he's not fighting me. I get no joy if he's not fighting it. What the hell am I going to do with him? He's limp and lame and doesn't appear to care? But I'm going to make this sorry thing for a nobody care.

"Oh, Saix, you don't want to fight or play." Still he lays there frozen as my cock slowly brushes against his ass. While I slowly move up and down his hot body. "Well, I guess I will get more fun out of Axel won't I?" That's it. I knew that would break him, he's too close to that red head for his own good. He then begins to struggle to try and get me off.

THAT'S WHAT I WANT!

Some excitement!

He's trying his hardest to push himself up, but the poor dear just can't find all the strength he needs. Oh my Kingdom Hearts, and the power it has over this weak individual. I place my hands on his shoulders blades; pushing him down as he is squirming like the mutt he is.

Yes I'm over powered by lust to stop, but also this is going to give me, more than one benefit.

As he is struggling to get me off, I force my member into him, and I hear a grunt of pain escape his lips, whereas mine is one of pleasure. He continues to move the upper half of his body, just to try and break free. That's not going to work as I need to relax my throbbing member that is buried deep inside of him. I need to do it now. At least this time he's going to move, unlike last time were I had to do all the moving for us.

I slowly begin to move up and down, and allow pleasure moans to escape my mouth as I do so. His body is still trembling underneath me. Probably out of fear, of what, I could do to his little friend. But I'm not interested in Axel.

No. I'm more interested in Saix.

I get faster and faster as I need to realise into him. I pant hard in his ear and on to his neck. He is trying his hardest not to move the lower half of his body, yet I can feel the struggle as I push and pull out of him at fast rate. Saix is also grunting. So much better than last night. I had no sound to turn me on.

The noise he is making; only makes me go faster and faster as he whimpers in pain. I don't know why but the sound of pain turns me on like crazy. I don't care for too much for pleasure. It's nice but, just the sound and the physical pain that people are in. is music to my ears.

Then something startles me.

This mutt actually; screamed!

"XEMNAS! AHHHH! STOP!" I was so close to my climax and I'm not stopping now. I ignore him for the time being as I ram my member into to him, as I continue to pant. He is not ever going to spoil this for me. EVER! And just to prove it to him, I ram myself into harder and faster. Of course this only makes him scream, in pain more.

Finally I explode into him, and scream with him. But of course out of pleasure.

I breathe on his neck again as, he exhaustively continues to struggle underneath me. This time he really has out done himself. The moving, his pain; pushing me to go further. But I cannot forgive the fact he purposely screamed.

Someone could have comeback and would have heard him. That is never going to happen again.

I place my right arm around his neck and pull hard towards me. Just so it makes a tad difficult for him to breathe. Saix's breathing then increases again, as I place my face in his range of vision. "VII, Look At Me!" I state as I notice he is looking in the complete opposite direction. "LOOK AT ME!" I say gritting my teeth together.

His yellow eyes slowly shift, along with his head, so he can look at me. That fight has left his eyes and moved to one full of fear. I can feel him gulp, as my arm is still wrapped around his neck. The poor, poor, poor mutt. He has to learn, how to play this game.

I slowly and darkly whisper to him. "Now; if you ever scream like that again, or tell anyone... then I can assure you one thing Saix. That Axel; means nothing to me, and... I can have more fun with him. You understand." He doesn't do anything. He just stares the best he can at me. Showing nothing but fear and emptiness.

But I'm getting fed up with the all this silence.

"DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!?" I shout pulling my arm closer to my body, making it more difficult for him to breathe.

"YES!" he blurters out. Shame no stutter. That would have probably turned me on a bit more.

"Good" I smirk. I loosen my grip on his neck, and then go closer to him and kiss his cheek. His skin is so soft. But I haven't got time for another round. Especially, if I don't want anyone poking around in my business. But who says this won't happen again. It will and I will make him enjoy it. Every second.

"Now, Saix... Be a good boy and be patient. Because next time we do this, you are going to get involved." I roughly kiss him again, before I take myself out of him. I quickly put my cloths back on and stare at him. He's not going to do anything. He is probably thinking; Next time? Cause there will be one.

And nothing is going to stop me from getting what I want.

* * *

 **To Be Continued...**


	3. Chapter 3

**Pain**

* * *

 **Axel's P.O.V**

I sit silently in the kitchen.

No one is down yet, probably, still asleep, I should be too, but I need to have a chance to speak with Saix. He's been acting strange for the past three weeks, now. I haven't got a clue what is wrong with him. He just seems really distant, as of late.

For one, he never lets anyone into his office anymore. Well, not if they are on their own anyway. And I practically used to live in his office. Now he screams at me if I'm anyway near the door on my own.

He also refuses to stay in a room, with one other member. Two people, that's cool with him. But one, he is out of that room faster than lightening.

This isn't his character. It is not like him in the slightest.

Look, I get he likes his space; and everything goes his way because he is second-in-command, but does he really need to act like this? Does he understand that too much space is unhealthily! I mean Xigbar, controls space; and he is the most mental person... ah... nobody that I have ever met! Who wants to end up like Xiggy?

I have been trying to go through all the possibilities, for this strange behaviour but I can't think of any. I literally stay up a lot of the night trying to figure this out. I should know what's wrong, I am his best friend.

And even when I get the chance to ask what is up with him, he says; _'I've got too much work to do'_ or _'I haven't got time for this Axel'_

I just want to know if he's ok. He is just avoiding me; but not this time. I got up early so we can have a talk. So I'll be damned annoyed if he leaves the room, or orders me to go back to my room. I am not doing it I just want to know what is with the strange behaviour.

I then hear footsteps coming towards the kitchen. I stand up, ready for what is coming. Because of the mood that he has been in lately, I'm likely to get screamed at.

Saix then walks through the door, and he doesn't half look like shit.

His hair has gone all wild, and it's stuck to his face. What the Fuck has he been doing? His skin has gone so white, it's like he has seen ghost or something. He probably went into his berserk mode again.

But he never looks like he is about throw up afterwards. I pity him. I don't know why, but I feel sorry for him. There's no reason he just looks lost. Like, he doesn't know what to do. That's not like him at all. He basically did my revision timetable for me when we were sombodies. Now he looks like he doesn't know where anything is. I want to speak first, to show him I care, but Saix takes, that way from me.

"Axel, shouldn't you be in bed? It's 4 o'clock; In the morning!" He says in a very low and saddened tone. It confuses me a little; he has never done that before. And I have known him since we were 10. Now we are like... umm... what?... 20? Yet I have never seen this side to him before.

I completely ignore his question, and go right to the point. "Well bud, I came to see how you were." he hasn't looked at me. He doesn't anymore. Not for a while anyway. But his face is pale and he appears unstable. I decide it is best if I get him to sit down.

"Saix you don't look very well." I say and take a step closer to him, to show some comfort. But what I receive is fair from grateful.

His yellow eyes widen, and he steps away from me. He has been doing that a lot keeping his physical dissent away from people. I can't understand the reasoning behind it though. It's almost like he is scared of me or something.

I stop, to show some respect and show him I am on his side. I just want to know what is wrong with my friend.

"Ok" I whisper and take my seat. "Sorry Saix, I just want to talk." I know that sitting down shows that he has dominance over me. For some reason, he being in charge has always relaxed him. It makes him feel at home. And right now, he appears he needs that.

After a moment of silence he speaks. But he is still staring at the ground. "What do you want to talk about Axel? Because I've got to... get ready for the day. So make it quick." His voice doesn't seem calm. Well it wouldn't as he went into his berserk mode. It sounds scatty and on edge. This is really starting to worry me now. This isn't him at all.

"I just want to know why... well... you see Sai... that I umm" can't find the words. I understand that we have been growing distant from each other, even since he became second-in-command, but after these past couple of weeks it has been more strained than ever.

I am then pulled from my thoughts with Saix voice.

"SPIT IT OUT AXEL" It makes me jump. But it makes my annoyed, as his voice could wake everyone up.

I nod though, as I know he just wants to get on with it.

"Saix, you have been acting odd recently." Then it all collapses. His face drops and he looks at me like he is about to explode. I don't know why but I feel like a dog's lunch. There is a dead silence that follows. Neither of us wants to talk. I don't, in case he screams. But Saix doesn't like admitting the truth. It feels odd this silence. Like the words are tugging at his tongue, yet he refuses to say. Doesn't he realise that I am always here for him. That was the promise we made at the beginning of this hell whole. To be there for each other. But I can't; and he knows I want to be there for him I always have.

Finally after about 2 minutes of that cold silence, he comes and sits down at the table. He takes a few deep breathes, and he still isn't looking at me. I feel so helpless, I just can't and don't understand why he doesn't allow me to help him. That's all want.

"Axel" he whispers. It's that sad tone again. But at least he is going to speak to me. "Who said I've been acting odd?" With his yellow eyes still glued to the table.

I raise an eyebrow and scratch the back of my head. I need to think of way to tell him without causing an eruption. Because when you live with a berserker you have to know, what not to say.

"Well... everyone. They all think that the way you are acting, is different, to how you would normally act."

This time is yellow eyes peer straight at me. Like they are trying look right through me, and see the wall on the other side of me head. It is such a hard stare. It actually makes me feel really uncomfortable.

"Like what? What have you lot see, that I have been doing differently?" his voice sounds almost scared. I've never witness this either. Saix... scared those were two words, I thought I would never put into a sentence.

I nod and clear my throat. "I mean you don't allow people into your office anymore. Also you haven't looked at anyone directly in the eye, in a while. Also you keep your distance from everyone, and I mean everyone. Plus you caused a massive paddy, when Demyx poked you at dinner; I mean what is going on Saix? You're not like this! You have never been like this!"

That's when I realise I have crossed the line.

In all this time I have known him, I know, you must never think for him. As I stare back at his eyes, it's like something had snapped. Like a bomb had just gone off in his mind, and there is nothing that I can do to stop it. I didn't want to fight or scream I just wanted to find out what was wrong with him.

I gulp and close my eyes to wait for the explosion.

But to my surprise nothing comes. I open my eyes to see he has stood up and turn his back to me. Not looking at me again it is sort of childish but he doesn't care.

"GO BACK TO BED AXEL!" is all he says before exiting the room. He really has torn us apart. I can't help him, and he doesn't want my help. It's like a part of me is missing. And that is the light that Isa used to have. But he is gone.

And so is Lea.

I'm just sorry it took me this long to figure this out.

But I'm not giving up on him. I have to sort out this problem even if he refuses to admit there is. Then maybe we can ort out our friendship. That's what I want Us as friends again.

* * *

 **Saix's P.O.V**

What do I do? What do I do?

I can't tell him. I can't tell... him what will he say? What will he think? That I can't defend myself? Well it appears I can't! It's bad enough that one just did it again, and I couldn't stop him. I don't want Axel finding out. He can't know he really can't.

I take deep breathes as I realise that I have left the shower running again. It appears spend most of my days in the shower. Just trying to wash this damned filth that: one has smothered all over me. But the problem is. It isn't going. It will never leave. Why can't he just leave me alone?

Whenever he wants to ruin me it's 'We have business to discuss, Saix' the word business makes me feel sick now. Just looking at him makes me feel sick. He is sick. Does he realise what he is doing is wrong? Does he understand the impact t is having on me? I can't even sit in my own room, without thinking he is in there. It's not fair. No one should have to feel like this! No one should ever have to feel like this! I shouldn't have to feel this way! But he made this. One made me paranoid and scared of my own shadow, he did this.

But did I lead him on...

I don't see how; I want to kill him!

Don't cry, please just don't cry Saix.

I then get out of the shower and get changed.

I do everything to try and forget him. But it plays on, and on in my mind. Did I really lead him on? Am I still leading him on? Is not fighting back a way of showing I want this is happen! I don't! I really don't! I feel the tears build up again. I know they are going to spill. But they can't.

Keep this together, you know that he will only try and do this to Axel. Be strong for him.

My breathing calms down, as I think about Axel. He is one of the only two members who act like they have a heart. It makes me happy to see him like that; hanging on to hope, for the both of us. Proving to me it's ok. But the only hope I have left is that Axel won't go through what is happening to me. And I am the only one who can prevent this. So I am. No matter how much pain I have to go through. I will not allow my friend to be torture in such a way. It's wrong.

Take a deep breath and look into the mirror. This is for Axel.

I have to go down stairs and see everyone included Axel. I want to tell him, but I don't want to hurt him. But he's not the only one am worrying about. My attacker will be there too. He only attacked me 6 hours ago.

That's another thing I don't get sleep anymore. I'm luckily to get 3 hours a day.

I'm too scared to sleep... Just in case he is there.

It's all in your head.

Pretend it's all in my head.

I glance up at the time. 8 o'clock. I gulp and realise if I don't use a dark corridor I am going to be late. And if them lot have noticed the behaviour I have been displaying, I need to show them nothing is wrong. But really, everything is.

I teleport down stairs and walk into the kitchen; it's time to show them I'm ok. That everything is going to be all right. And after my little encounter with Axel he is going to try and catch me out, with every little thing I do. But what chance have I really got with one sitting at the table?

He stares at me. He's probable trying to figure out, what he's going to do to me. He's sick. I can't find another word to describe him really. Just plain sick.

Everyone is already sitting at the table. There is no surprise there. They have been having to wait for me for the past couples of weeks. I don't know, but I can't bring myself to be in a room with all of them anymore. It's so stupid, but I'm scared there going to find out. Like Demyx and Xigbar, are the spies around here. They know everything, about everyone. I honestly think, that Xigbar just tells Demyx now. But Marluxia. It's like you can't even pass the salt across the table without getting glared at.

Funny that today must be a good day, I'm taking the mick out of Marluxia.

I turn and notice one isn't here. I realise a deep breath that I hadn't even noticed had built up. I'm like this all the time; wondering if he is in the same room as me. Or going to be there if walk into a room.

I take my seat and ignore the look Axel is giving me. No doubt it is the one with puppy dog eyes. I just stare at my bowl of cereal and avoid eye contact.

STOP!

They have noticed, you have to keep eye contact from now on. But I just can't bring myself to do it.

Likely Xaldin interrupts my thoughts. "Xemnas..." That name, makes me want to throw up in my cereals right now. "said he won't be here, for breakfast as he got something to do."

Vexen's voice then happily makes an appears. "Why did he tell you and not Saix?"

Oh, yeah he actually did. I can feel my stomach churning as remember what happened last night.

"He did, he just told me as well." Then I feel all eyes on me.

They're probably thinking why didn't you come downstairs earlier? I don't fucking give a shit if I didn't come down stairs, but that's another point people have noticed. I know they all call me the Superior's Lap dog. SHUT UP! Don't think about it, you are either going to be sick or cry! Just stop it!

Still not looking up, I reply "Just forgot, OK" I can feel my voice getting angry. But I'm not. I'm just scared they are going to ask me question that I can't cope with.

I hear a sigh coming from somewhere in the room. I don't know which way, I just pray it wasn't because of me. What if they know? What if they ask me about it now? What will I say? Calm down Saix it's probably not what you think, not at all what you think!

I just sit in silence from that point on. No point digging myself a whole I can't get out of.

After breakfast is done, I'm the first one to get into the grey area. No way am I showing another sign I'm acting odd. But the conversation that were being had a breakfast said it all. ' _Why has he been so moody as of_ late' or ' _why did he grit his teeth at us_.' Just thoses little questions are playing with my mind. There is nothing that I can do to stop it though. I get to the mission report and shuffle through them. That's strange; these aren't the missions that I laid out last night. In fact they are all worth 3 hours long.

I gulp at the realisation that one must have put these out.

He already ruined me a little over 6 hours ago. I can't do it, I just can't do this. A tear threatens to leave me. But I won't. Because they are not know about this. They are not going to know what has been going on.

Axel depends on it.

"Ok then VII, what mission is it today?" Marluxia says as he walks over to me. There's that fear again, that someone is going touch me. Just give him the report Saix just give it to him.

"You are going to wonderland, Marluxia. And this time you better fill the god damn report in. Because I'm not in the mood for any excuses this time." Being my moody self is key to this. This is my way of showing them that I'm ok.

Marluxia takes the paper and starts walking away from me. But as he leaves he mutters "you are only grumpy cause the superior hasn't been up your ass."

That was it!

SNAP!

I couldn't even think what I was doing. I just grabbed his throat and placed him up against the wall. It was like my mind was in two separate places. One was worrying that he might know what was going on. The other was telling me to gut that son of a bitch. No one talks to me like that. I know before all of this happened, he and other members would make jokes that I was... doing... that with... one. But now this was real and I was being destroyed at any chance he got. I looked at him dead in the eye. He looked scared and regretted what he had just said. But at that point in time, I was more focused on not crying then caring about his safety.

I spoke in a quiet but daring tone. "DON'T... YOU... EVER... SAY... THAT... AGAIN" I could feel my hand squeeze around his neck, and his eyes flash with horror at me. "I NEVER WANT TO HEAR THAT!" I could feel eyes again glued on me as I spoke in a low manger.

"Saix, Dude put Marly down" Xigbar spoke, trying to sound sympathetic and calming. That wasn't going to help.

I ignored him and turn my attention back to Marluxia. "YOU ARE JUST SICK TO THINK THAT! JUST SHUT UP!" I screamed at him. There was no way I was going to keep my anger down. But I couldn't kill Marluxia.

Then I heard his voice.

One's voice.

He wasn't supposed to be here! He went out! Why couldn't he just stay out?!

"Saix put Marluxia down" Second nature kicks in again, and I drop him. There was no way I'm going to disobey him, not after what happen last night. All I did was kick him, and he punched me in the stomach, then thrusted harder into me, with all the force he had. I move away from Marluxia and avoid eye connect with One.

I look up a little and see his orange eye scanning me. I feel my breakfast trying to come up. I have to swallow it back down, to stop it from coming up.

"Now why did you attack Marluxia?" I can't tell him the reason. Not with everyone there. Most of them probably heard it. I'm shocked if they didn't. But to tell the truth I don't think anyone wanted to say a word.

He quietly stands there, wanted an explanation, but I'm too scared to say. I'm not allowed to scream, and I'm not allowed to talk about it. Those are the rules and I'll break them if I say anything. I just pray that no else does. Because I don't think I could take it, especially because he is here.

But I don't have too. "Marly said something about a calling him a wolf, or whatever, weren't really paying attention." Xigbar states. That's a lie. He was lying; I know he was! But at the moment it is safer for Axel that he said that.

Xemnas nods then turns back to me.

"Xigbar you can hand out the missions today. Saix you and I have business to discuss." My eyes slightly widen at that statement. Now I know for sure what he is going to do to me. But I can't fight him, not if I want to keep Axel safe, I need to keep him safe. I take in a deep breath and follow one.

I'm on my own now. No one will be here in a minute or two and I have to endure this pain again.

Its ok I tell myself. But it's really not.

I stand in his bed room and wait for him to do whatever he wants. I don't want this.

I never wanted this.

* * *

 **To be continued...**

* * *

 **Authors note:**

 **Just wanted to say thank you for reading this story, I know it's not finished yet, but unfortunately my wonderful Laptop has got a virus and I'm getting this chapter out before I wipe my laptop. So sorry for the spelling mistakes, but I had to get it done. Also I don't know when another chapter will be realised but hopeful I can get another one out soon.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Pain**

 **Before you read this, I would like to say thank you to all who read this. Can I just add that this chapter does get slightly darker, so I'm sorry if this up sets anyone. Without further ado please, read.**

 **Saix P.O.V**

I'm tired.

That's the only way I can describe myself now.

I'm tired all the time. I'm tired of this castle. I'm tired of the people in it. I'm tired of mission reports. I'm tired of being second-in-command. I'm tired of having to live in the same place as one. I'm tired of having to pretend that I'm ok.

But I can't, not pretend I'm ok. If I say, it happens to Axel. If I scream it happens to Axel.

There is nothing I can do to stop this.

I just have to take it. Endure all of it.

Look at me I'm a mess. This has been going on for months now, I thought I would be used to this torture. But I'm not I'm never going to get used to this. Fighting only means Axel gets hurt. That can't happen. I can never let that happen to him. Or to anyone else.

I've been sitting and waiting in the grey area for a good half an hour now, just thinking about One.

Just staying here thinking about what's he's done to me. This is all I ever seem to think about. If One isn't ruining me, I spend my days avoiding him. And going over ways to put an end to it. And thinking how many opportunities I have had to put an end to this.

It's all my fault. It has to be.

It's not like I can blame anyone apart from myself.

I feel a tear leave my eye and roll down my face. I feel like I'm going to break.

He has ruined and foiled me 8 times in this week, and it only Thursday. And I haven't stopped him. Maybe I'm protecting Axel. But its so much more than that. I'm just too scared to say.

That's all it is.

I'm terrified of him. That's the truth.

I can't deny that.

My thoughts are then interrupted by II walking into the grey area. Oh, that's why I'm still here. Xigbar still manages to be the last one to receive his mission. He is worse than Demyx when it comes to putting something off. Yet he never gets told off for it.

He walks in with a huge smile on his smug face. Yep just his same old self.

"So Saix where I am I goin' today, and before you give me a lecture, about the importance of bein' here on time. Xemmy wanted to talk to me about 2omething'. So don't go all bitchy on me please."

I still can't stand to hear that name. Even after all of these mouths that name makes me want to throw up. And there has to be no bitching. No none. I found the best way to keep One happy is to make Xigbar happy. That's why his mission is in Pot Royal.

It's just not fair, I bet Xigbar, didn't get treated like this. He was second-in-command, and I can bet that this has never happen to him. I'm just…. Nothing.

I'm pulled from my thoughts as Xigbar is waving his hand in my face.

"Saix… Mission…. Me need." Irritating voice. I shake my head and pass him the mission. I notice myself that I'm not looking directly at him. I just can't do this. But I have to.

His voice then comes up again. It's more of a mutter than anything else.

"Ok then moody, just to let you know Xemnas wants to see you, in your office."

I then snap my head up, and look right into Xigbar's eye. I feel that my eyes have widened and my breathing has increased. It's just the reaction I have now if he wants to see me. He hasn't even said what he wants, but it is enough to scare the shit out of me.

"W-w-what doe-s-s he wa-ant?" I can hear myself stutter, and I hear a sense of panic that has now found its way into my voice. I can also feel that my chest moving up and down at a faster rate than normal. But I don't care I just want and answer.

I can tell that Xigbar, knows that I am uncomfortable. Especially with my sudden change of mood. I shouldn't have done that. Xigbar is going to ask all sorts of questions now! Ok Saix keep calm, he doesn't know. So try to remain as calm as possible.

"He said that you have business to attend to?"

That was it. I don't understand where it came from it just did.

"Please don't make me go" I whispered with my voice breaking as I felt the tears that I have been holding back, free fall down my face. My breathing then become erratic. I can't think I can't focus, all I know is that, I don't want it to happen again. I won't allow it to happen again.

Xigbar stares at me. He must be shocked; I have never acted like this ever.

"Whoa, whoa, dude what's wrong." He says moving closer to me. I gulp, I can't tell him. But I can't go….

I take in more breathes, and cover my face with my hands, to cover up the damage that I'm showing. So much damage. That's all I am, and now that's all I will ever be.

"Xigbar I can't…." I remove my hands from my face and try to look at Xigbar. He looks worried, and now I'm too far gone to pull out. Breathing in deep again, just to calm myself. "It's the Superior."

"Yeah what about him?" Xigbar says soft and calmly. That's not like him at all.

"You can't leave me! Please don't leave me! Not with him!" I'm begging! I'm Begging Xigbar!

Xigbar blinks a few times and looks straight into my red hot eyes, he's probably shocked that I'm begging and crying. "Listen, it's ok, I'm not goin' anywhere. You just need to tell me what the Superior has done, so I can see what I can do to help."

I don't know where it has come from. I don't even think about the consequences on myself, on Axel or even Xigbar for that matter. It just comes out and I don't even know how to stop it.

"He's going to rape me"

I have never admitted that before. Not even to myself. And now that I have, the tears won't stop flowing. "He's going to rape me, Xigbar!" I know I should stop and try to take the whole thing back, but I continue. "And it's been going on for mouths! And there is nothing I can do to stop him!" With that I fall to the floor. It is the best feeling to ever have. I said it. I finally said it.

 **Xemnas P.O.V**

I do like his office.

Its' smaller than mine. But it feels a lot more comfortable, then mine does. And it's odd to think that Xigbar used to have this one. I'm surprised that Saix didn't throw a fit when he became second-in-command, with how messy II can be. But then again, he doesn't tend to raise his voice so often anymore. Probably my fault.

However, I like to keep my puppets quiet. And if I get fun as I am doing so then that's an added bonus.

He disappoints me though.

Thought MY Lunar Diviner should be raving, should be angry, should be powerful and over take any task that I give him. The second most powerful member; in my wonderful Organization. But no he is weak, and pathetic. He can't even defend himself against me! Well, I am the strongest, but now he doesn't even put up a fight. He only ever does when I get bored and mention Axel.

There's no fun in THAT!

However he is a good fuck…. And I'm pretty sure I can't break him, more then I already have. He's beyond helping now. Just the way I want him

Ohhh, I never realised how comfy, this chair is. I might just have to steal it. In fact everything in this room is rather good. Xigbar probably manged to have a deal with Xehanort, so he could have the best stuff. I don't blame him, I know I would do that, in a _heartb_ eat.

Speaking of which Saix better get here soon, there is only so much that Xigbar can cock up, and I hope this isn't one of them.

Just as I start relaxing the door swings open.

I smile at the opened door, hoping it is Saix.

But no to my undermining disappointment, it is Xigbar. Great fucking great.

"How difficult is it to give a message to someone" I comment rhetorically as he approaches the desk, with a scowl on his face. Not like him, but today is a rather odd. I lean back and take in a calm relaxing breath, he probably has the reason that he got lost or something stupid like that. "Or did you forget it, because I thought you had a better memory then that."

He then remains silent.

He's not like this, I was expecting a sarcastic comment. Like ' _well at less I can remember the whole of my past life'_ or ' _No way, As if!'_ or something like that. He does like to squeeze Terra in whenever he can. And there was me thinking he hated the weak hearted.

I sign in return. "Right you seem adamant to make a comment, so I'll ask you. Where is Saix?" I say in a serious tone. I want to have sex with Saix, and if I don't get my own way, someone is going to pay, greatly.

"He's in the Grey area" he stares blankly at me.

I blink at me a few times. Why didn't he do as I fucking asked him? "So… why didn't you send him here?" I can tell that I am losing my temper. But why the bloody hell does he get away with everything. I can't even tell him of, without a possible scolding, when we finally start that bloody war.

Xigbar then walked closer over to the desk and placed both his hands upon the wood. He stared at me. It was a little close to comfort but he's in a very odd mood today.

He then spoke in a low voice. "See the thing is Xem; I gave him your message, and he told me 4omething' that I… I can't take in." He sounds very serious. But the thing is he doesn't scare me, and I know that I don't pose much of a threat either.

"What did he tell you then?" I ask, I don't really care what Saix has to say.

There is a brief moment of silence. Xigbar silent! It is sort of a joke in its self. But whatever this is, I don't think he wants to be joking.

"He told me that you have been… how to put it in nice terms…. sexually attackin' him, and you have been for months." I stare at Xigbar in an annoyed manner. He just broke the bloody rules. No screaming, and no telling. Saix and I are going to have a great chat when he eventually comes to his office.

I look down and develop a smirk on my face. It is one of anger, yes of course. But it is also one of… I don't know… pride. I broke Saix to the brink of telling the most intricate liar that I have ever known, or want to know. And the person who can easily be broken; there is no hope for Saix in this match, that we are more than likely about to have. But Xigbar, he is never going to change my mind, on what I want. And he is never going to win.

I glance up at him and smirk. "And your point is II"

"What?" Xigbar stares silently at me. He probably can't believe what just out of my mouth. "You have been raping Saix! And you have had for months! That's SICK! Complete Sick Xemnas! Why the Bloody hell would you do that? WHY?"

I personally don't care what he has to say, it is my business, not his, and I get whatever I want.

"I will give you 2 reasons." I say very calmly. Just to annoy him a bit more. He may appear, that he can't be annoyed, but he is just as easy to annoy as Saix, if you know what to say. "One. I enjoy it-"

"DO YOU THINK HE DOES!" he screams at me. He is clearly offended by it. But not as offended as I, he cut me off. No one cuts me OFF! I breathe in deep to allow myself to stay calm. But in all fairness, I would probably get the same reaction from any of the other members.

"…allow me to finish. And 2, in case you forget, Xehanort wants US to ensure that his vessels don't betray him. So in a way this is keeping him under our belt."

"Under yours more like." Xigbar snaps back.

I am starting to lose my temper slightly. "Well your clearly disapprove, but I don't give a fuck. So will you be so kind to go and get Saix." I say standing up, showing Xigbar that he may hold all the secrets, some, even from me. But I hold the strings in this organisation, not he.

I hear him laugh before he comments rather sharply for me. "No I'm not goin' to get him, just so you can rape him. No way, AS IF!"

Breathe Xemnas, I know how to get back at him. "Yes you are because if you don't, I know your weakness and I will use it Xigbar." Threating is something that I am good at.

"Go on then, I'm not letting you rape Saix!" driving my patience. I didn't want to use this. I like Xigbar, I do. He helps me remember my past life, and ensures that I'm on track. But when I want something, it is more important that I make him realise his position with in his place. 2nd or 4th whatever he might be, I still over rank the bastard.

"Ok then, as you so want to disrespect me my wishes, I am going to say this, but mind you Xigbar I am only going to say this once. If you do not allow me to do what I want with Saix, this one last time, and you don't go on your mission. Then… I will move on to someone else…. And turn them into a vessel…"

He doesn't move or seemed bothered by this, but I will make him be bothered.

"… and by that I mean to use 6 and use the same method that I am using with 7. Are we clear 2?" his face then drops.

I know that Xaldin, Vexen, Lexaeus and Zexion are his weakness. I've always known, and so has Xehanort for that matter. But he will never let on, that he holds on to them, with the last bit of light he has got. They are his family, and with my power I can break them up. I can break him, to pieces. And if using Zexion is something I have to do to get what I want, I will use him.

And I WILL use Zexion against Xigbar!

 **Xigbar P.O.V**

I'm gunna remember this for the rest of my non-existence, and Xehanorted life. I shouldn't lie to Saix but I can't put Zexy through that. He's only a kid, for fuck sake, he is at least 5 years younger than Saix. Even though I can swear that they were in the same year at school. That's either because Zexion is too smart, or Saix is thick. Makin' the first option a lot more believable.

But… can I really put him through this pain again? Knowin' that I could prevent it? Helpin' some else and hinderin' another? Is it worth it? Are they really both worth my time?

Zexion….

He's Braig's nephew, and Dilan's and Aeleus' as well. Not to mention he is Even's son. I gotta protect him. He's 6omethi' to do with me, but I haveta protect him, for those reasons though. And those reasons only.

I mean I was there on the day he was born! The little tike just cried and cried. Bright blue eyes and he had little tuffs of steel blue 6ometh' on top of his head. He was an innocent little thing… he still kind of is, I mean if you take away the part where he could trap you in an 6omething6g' illusion. But he is innocent, in some kind of way….

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN!

Zexion is not Ienzo and you are not Braig. I am Xigbar. No feelin's, no friends, just I' on and completin' Kingdom Hearts, and whatever the bloody hell Xehanort wants. Just get to the war with our 13 vessel. Poof, zip, narda! That's all I have to do, and I shouldn't allow things like Zexion to distract me. Saix shouldn't even be a distraction, he is even lucky I am considerin' helpin' him out. As he practically annoyed the fuck out of me every fuckin' day as somebodies. As if, I would ever help him out, let only anyone else really. I just ain't that guy anymore. Like I was ever like that guy to begin with anyway.

Xehanort wouldn't like me over thinkin' things.

But Zexion is only like what? 15 years old.

Xemnas even suggestin' that, is sick. He is sick and twisted, just like Xehanort. Terra would never do this and yet, Xehanort is still 6omething6g' all the strings of his nobody and heartless. And there ani't a thing that little chicken heart can do about it, or me for that matter.

There's got to be away out of this, shit hole.

I walk into the grey area, and I still haven't made up my mind of what to do!

I honestly hope that lookin' at Saix won't hinder what I should do. I should put an end to this. Xemnas doesn't need to attack him anymore, he doesn't need to hurt him physically or mentally, he doesn't need to torture him. So why don't he stop.

I'll tell ya why. He is a psychopath! That is the only way I can describe him. And I have known both of his somebodies!

I glance at Saix as I step towards his limp and scared structure. He is still on the floor, probably half scared of what is gunna happen. I can't blame the poor sod. I mean anyone would be scared in his situation. When I do, eventually, catch eye contact with him, I notice that is hair is stuck to his face, from all the tears that has poured out of his eyes. His eyes are red, which in all fairness really make him look more terrifyin' than usual. I mean sharp gold and glowin' red, really make him look like a rabid dog. But beneath all that there's 7omething' else. His eyes look broken. He looks lost and scare, and that he has lost everythin'. Nothin' in this world or other's matter anymore.

Well done Xemmy! You have done what the old coot has asked for. Makin' them believe they have 7omethi' left and there is no way out. Good goin'.

I can't even think what to say… me speechless! As if. "Saix…" it sort of feels dry to say his name. I mean I don't care I shouldn't and I am not gunna. Cause he is 7omethi' but a little puppet for Xehanort, now.

He suddenly stands up and breathes in deep again. I can tell that he is uncomfortable bein' in the same room as me. Or he is probably wonderin' what Xemnas said. This is the time to make my decision. Help Saix or save Zexy.

Then it hit me.

Just lookin' at Saix. Seein' the damage, the despair, the pure torture that he has been through, has killed him. He's not Isa, and he certainly isn't Saix. He is an empty husk. The thing I need in order to keep mister master on me good side. The thing that Xemnas needs, just to allow this war to continue. But that isn't enough to make me want to put him through pain again.

But this is….. how Zexion will end up.

I know I shouldn't and I shouldn't even be usin' Braig's memories but… he's my nephew. The little boy that lost his mum and dad at 3 years old. Raven and Greg. They were a funny pair. Both working with Evs', in the boring lab. Both crazy about science and workin hard. Zexy really did share a lot of their traits. But he held more traits of Even then he did those two. Just from the way he complicated things, and makin' sure I can't understand what he is sayin'. Right down to the way he sometimes walked. He was Even or Vexen's kid. He still is. And as Even, Dilan, Aeleus were the first people Braig truly cared about, he was his nephew. He is still my nephew.

And I can't bare the fact he could go though this.

It's not right Saix shouldn't have to do this. But Xemnas said one last time. A little white lie never destroyed a world, or anthin' like that.

Wait a minute… Radiant Garden's fall, was partly my fault… and I lied… So ya let's not use that as an example.

But I can't put Zexion through that. I won't put Ienzo this.

"… listen, I know ya scared, but…. Mate you have to go" I didn't want to look at him as his face dropped in despair. His chested moved up and down at a fasted paced as he wiped his eyes and cheeks. I didn't want to do that, but Zexion is more important to me. Saix is 7omethi' and will always be 7omethi' to me. But that feelin' of regret plays at the back of mind as I notice that he is cryin' again.

I can't make this better. It is a nightmare for him. And it has killed the last bit of light left in him. But Xemnas promised me it was only goin' to be one more time. Maybe that will comfort him, but I highly doubt it will.

"Saix he said, one more time just one more." I am sayin' in the nicest way possible.

Saix then glares at me with those rabid eyes full of hate, anger, terror, and paranoia. He is scared and I am the only who is gunna have to live with this lie not he. "Xigbar, I can't do it….. I just can't!

There is then something that rushes through my veins. If he don't go Zexy gets it. He has to go I will make him go. He maybe 20 but Zexy is 15. I will not allow this to happen to him. Xaldin, Vexen and Lexaeus would never forgive me if I did. Never mind them, I would never forgive myself. Xehanort will never let me forget it either. Actually either way, I'm in the old coots bad books. One: Cause I am showin' emotions, and helpin' Zexion. Or the latter, as he would never let me forget the pain Zexy would go though.

"Saix… He don't care what you want. I have told him this is wrong, and he don't care. If you go now, he promised to put an end to this. You want have to go through this anymore. But if you don't go, imagine what he could do to you…. Or Axel." Even though that might be mean, it was the only way I can think to get him there. Axel is his weak spot, and unfortunately, 3,4,5 and 6 are mine.

WHAT AM I SAYIN!

AM I TRYIN TO HAND MY DEATH ON A PLATE TO THAT CRAY OLD DUDE!

I look at Saix who isn't looking at me, but is nodding his head. He knows that Xemnas will probably try and get back at him, though Axel. But equally I know that Zexion will get it. Is it worth putting 3 people though this pain?

I don't think so….

"Xigbar…" Saix speaks. I give him a look of concern, just to try and show the sap some confidence. However I have to owe him 8omething' after all he is takin' this for Zexion. "You promise this is over, after this?"

I nod. I bloody well hope it is anyway.

 **To be Continued…..**


End file.
